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Zombie Survival (Thread)


'Cause you know it's coming betches.

How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

by Zombie Expert Decae

(First, if you can, read the Zombie Survival Guide. Nao.)

First thing to do is examine your surroundings and to know your environment. Where do you live? Do you live in a big 10 story apartment complex, in a rural neighborhood, or in the middle of nowhere? This just tells you how much you need to panic.

Second thing to do is to not panic. I know it's the end of the world, and don't worry, you will probably die within the hour if you panic enough. Panic leads to doing idiotic things, like trying to magically gain ninja skills to jump to the next building. This is a bad sign, and you should probably just shoot yourself in the head before you torment yourself enough.

Now, for the rest of us who really don't give a shit enough about the end of the world to drive ourselves to oblivion, the first thing you want is a weapon. Shotgun is the mainstream one, but AKs tend to do the trick. You do not want a close range weapon unless you are trained, because any idiot can kill with a gun, but an idiot will knock themselves out with a bat. See? Even so, we are in modern times, not the middle ages. Get a damn gun.

Next thing you want is BULLETS, so carry around a bat just in case you run out. Now, to get bullets you either have to:

A) Have a badass grandpa who stocked up for this kind of event (or for a terrorist invasion, who knows).
B)Raid a gun shop.

Obviously, the latter is probably going to involve running into zombies. However a lot of people fail to realize that YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY PERSON LOOKING FOR BULLETS. Get ready to mow down lots of peeps on your way inside the gun shop. This is a life and death situation, who cares if you smash someone on your way to the racks. They probably would have died soon anyway.

If you failed to get a gun beforehand and somehow made it to a gun shop, don't be stupid and only grab bullets. GRAB A DAMN GUN.

Now that we are all armed and ready to maraud every zombie in your path, let me remind you of something. The world has just ended, and has therefore shut down. It's going to take a while, if not never, to have a survivor camp up and running making bullets. So spare your supplies, will ya? KTHNX.

Now you need food, water, and a place to barricade yourself so that you can have a good night's sleep. Ah~ where to begin?

You get food at a damn grocery store, where did you think you got it? You don't have the time to go baking bread and crap, unless you're like me and live in the middle of nowhere. You can bake all the pizzas you want then. As for water, there's the sink. Barricading is harder, much harder. In fact, this may take you a bit, depending on what kind of zombies you're dealing with. This brings me to my next point.


You are not Kamina. You are not Bruce Willis. You are not James Bond. Get the fuck used to it.

You need other survivors on your team to have a chance to survive. Just think, the infection has already spread to the point that there are more zombies than humans living. The amount of humans living will probably be cut in half (probably because they thought they were Kamina). You need as many people as you can get, and you need people who can bring something to the table. And here is how you can do that:

First of all, women can't usually bring a lot to the table. If one proves her stuff, take her; you need at least one to repopulate the earth. Get guys who are loaded; not with money, mind you. Loaded with GUNS and FOOD and SHIT THAT YOU CAN USE and HAS THE ABILITY TO GET MORE EASILY. You need more food since you have more mouths to feed so... yeah.

Most people are going to want to join, that is, if they don't think they're Kamina. A lot of people will end up getting an ego and think they're badass 'cause they have a shotgun. Just save your strength and move on to a more sensible person.

How to find people? That's easy, LOOK. Chances are, you're going to run into at least someone on your way to wherever you're going. Recruit them.

Now, back to barricading. Remember, you're probably in the city. How many people live there? Can you take on 100,000 zombies at your door. Probably not, so don't wait 'til it's too late... RUN. GET OUT. GET THE FUCK OUT OF TOWN. (Remember, I'm outside the city, so I'm probably having a red, juicy steak with orange juice around now. Not to mention no zombies~)

I'm tired of writing so I'll wrap this up quick. Aim for the head, get a crew, get out of town. Repopulate the earth. Easy as pie.

Now, onto @Noodle's idea.


We must find a location... O_O

Colorless Zombie Survivors:

@Decae - Zombie God Expert
@DSP - Zombie Rambo Expert
@Noodle - Zombie Hunter of Impending Doom
@MrTrain - Meat Sheild
@Deathy - Zombie Bait
@InsaneBoredGame - Master of Bullshittery
@astrogaijin - Zombie Eagle Scout
@Xyopq - Escape Router
@BboyNoblesse - Head Chef
@Selef - Post Apocalyptic DJ
@zkzkan - World Populator
@Aurora1 - Professional Gun Hillbilly
@TalTal19 - Gar Archer
@Eden-Black - ...
@Trisak - Bartender
@Markov - Weapons Designer
@Usui Takumi - Rape Assassin
@Kuru - Rager with a KATANA
@Blacklight - Zombie Kiter?
@neondemon - Survival wannabe Guru
@Mosquito - Mosquito
@OverSol - Headshot Galore
@Mizukixx - Zombie-troll bait
@Creatureofnite - Emergency food supply
@Inasda - Radio expert somethingorother
@Sushi - Galactic Pretty Boy He's just there to look fabulous
@PureBoredom - Zombie Whisperer
@Dante_Butler - one of those zombies that can still think rationally so he's just a translator for us
@XFury - Samurai with a time machine. He'll die quick.
@Shiki-chu - Emergency food supply #2
@Kaheliini - Janitor
@guardian3 - The whiner
@Josh_derp_aherpaderp - A herpedy derpedy derp
@Usagii - flamethrower bitch

I would like to join as a potential meat shield! :D
Which reminds me, I had an idea of making a doodled comic of a Colorless Zombie Apocalypse.

@MrTrain: I welcome you to the team!! gives meat sheild badge

I'll be your zombie bait that distracts the zombies while you ambush/escape :D

I'll read this awesome thread as soon as I get home from work! (Did I meantion it was awesome?)
But for now I would like to say that one location would be impossible, since The Colorless is so widely spread. If we can find any way of contacting each other during an apocalypse that would be awesome xD

We could have about 2 places in Europe, 3 in the US and for Asia... I don't really know.

Also we need a banner/flag or something so that when/if we bump into each other we don't kill the other group off in fear of them being raiders.

Lastly. It wouldn't hurt reading the Zombie Survival Guide :D

I will join. I have honed my shotgun skills by driving weeabos off other people's property and am a master of bullshittery.

@Noodle: My fort can be one. :3

I'd like to join. Not sure what my role will be but I will get back to you on it when I think of it.
For locations, I'd think that the mountains would work great since it would be tough to traverse on foot and it's pretty secluded.
Also, I'd like to point out that since you never know when your going to get bullets again and you could run out at any moment, having a range weapon that you can make the ammo yourself would be a great idea. My suggestion would be a bow. Also you can reuse arrows so you can hunt with them.

@astrogaijin: Welcome to the crew! Bows are good, but they are not as easy to find as guns, so I left them out. >_<

Woah woah, you start this thread without me :< man I'm like a zombie super expert yo, I read the survival guide, I can adapt to zombie situations in twooooo countries yo, TWO!!

So like can I be a zombie Rambo expert >,> cos my methods are Rambo like.....but instead of dying I win!! Also because of our lack of guns over here, I'm well trained in non artillery based survival. -nod nod-

Ok, I think I know what I can do. Since I am am Eagle Scout I have atleast a decent amount of knowledge of outdoors stuff and survival from all my trips and experiences. I can do that and also teach others who don't know it.

I've got some trench knives - the best zombie melee weapons
Iv'e got the escape routes, supply locations and strongholds mapped out.
Moving in 3 weeks, so I'll have to plan again (doh).

@DSP Man... I read the guide and I went on a course. No kidding, I have the diploma right here:
(Think what you will. Personally, I find it hilarious.)

So, I'm not simply the Community Organizer. I'm like the Zombie Hunter of Impending Doom! I wouldn't call me an exper though.
Anyways! Glad to have you aboard!

Remember people. Learn from Gordon Freeman and use the Crowbar 8D

I'm a damn good cook, unless you want to gain food poisoning hire me on. Not to mention my beastly survival skills. I can also ghetto rig anything pretty much. Weapons, gadgets, meat shields, armor.

As soon as this zombie invasion thing happens, we'll be able to kick ass and take names in style thanks to our group of elite parkour zombie slaying fitness people.

@Xyopq: Elite parkour zombie slaying fitness ninjas supreme!

I wanna be the post apocalyptic DJ, pumping out the zombie slaughtering tunes you all enjoy.

@Noodle YOUR COURSE TEACHES YOU NOTHINGGGG, you need some rl experience! I totallly found this abandoned nazi base and took out a hoarde of zombies with a frying pan!

Oh also gaiz, I know the perfect stronghold but it's in a city called Leicester in the UK XD I like to call it "Nick's place" only because my friend used to live there, his name is Nick.

it's only got one point of entry and exit, a large set of stairs! We take that out and clean out the place and we've got ourselves a fortress.

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The site has been updated on the 24th December 2011. Please go there when you are finished with the archives.

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