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In mutual "like" with a girl, but it is doomed (Thread)

Alright, let us lay down the ground work for this tale:

  • I am an early-twenties male.
  • The girl, "Andrea" is a friend whom I met back in HS, now a coworker
  • She is in a long distance relationship with a guy
  • He, "Mark", is the son of the owners of the chain of restaurants at which we work.

I have worked at this establishment for the past 6 months or so, and have grown close to very few coworkers. I have some kitchen buddies, due to working with them daily, but outside of this haven my social contacts are few and far between. Andrea and I went to high school, and graduated in the same year. We were in the same social group, and hung out together, though within the group.

As time has gone on, she and I have grown closer. Our coworkers and managers have picked up on it, and poke fun at our flirtations often. We hug each other every time we meet or part (within reason), tickle each other, and generally try to be near each other when we have the chance. We prioritize talking with each other over any other coworkers, and have playful "fights" when one of us works a day that the other does not. She is very much someone I could see myself with, someone I would like to be with.

Her boyfriend, Mark, just so happens to have a power complex. His parents have money, and at our establishment and it's sisters, he has the power to have people fired with ease. Andrea is his first girlfriend, and they have been together for the better part of 4 years. Even so, she grows tired of it, and they have been fighting a bit as of late. While this would normally be a great chance to pick her up when she is down, my problem lies with Mark. Being the kind of man he is, it would not be beneath him to have me fired over such a personal thing. Living alone, I cannot afford to go more than a week without income.

So, my dilemma is quite clear. I wish to be with a girl that, more likely than not, wishes to be with me. If I go through with it, it is quite possible that I would be without a job, without support for myself, and thus without a home.

Anyone have any ideas?

survive first. u can meet other girls later. or meet her and starve. your choice

I survived 3 months without pay, was given free room and board, but had to find my own way to get food. $20 can get you a months worth of food, if you do it well enough.

Tuna fish sandwiches and rice go a long way.

Money over relationships. Like it or not, being in a relationship takes shit tons of money. If you are barely getting by with your job as is, or if you can't support yourself without that job, don't risk taking on a girlfriend who will possibly get you both fired. Plus dates and such outings would also factor into you lacking any motherfucking funds.

Best choice would be finding a stable job that won't fuck you over for dating the bosses kids girlfriend. Don't get the bitches if you ain't got the money.

If you're serious about this and don't want to give up then you could always try starting to look for other work, or start saving as much as you can for as long as you can. Get some form of base for yourself so it's not going to be an much of an issue if you get fired.

Completely agree with @Elegy. Finding new work is your best option if your really committed. Another thing is to aim higher up on the ladder man! When you get with her your not just going to be feeding yourself, but her as well, as you both might lose your jobs over this. Good luck man.

...Assume? Makes an ass out of you and me~ :P
In the event that it is "mutual" just find a new job,
In the event that he has enough "power" to prevent that go to a place that he won't be i.e go far awar :|
In the event that she does not want to follow you, your choices will be stay and hope for the best or go away by yourself losing alot of what you've done.
I'm just joking anyway~ since ur living by yourself you should really be fixated on the money matter unless you have saved up enough for at least 3 months of living expenses

What's this? Punctuation? Some one older than 15? Doesn't just have difficulty talking to girls with pubescent confusion? Oh my lord, a real problem. Fantastic.

As a lot of people have said, financial well being is more important. However, you wouldn't have come looking for advice if you wanted to pick one or the other, you can understand the consequences of both. Dating her could very well earn both of you an unemployment check.

It is a possibility to search for another job, but that would require choosing a girlfriend over financial well being and friends. It really is a tangled issue. I'm tumbling this around in my brain, but with little avail. 4 years is a long time too, and I don't see that crashing any time soon, even if they do fight mildly often. How long distance are we talking here, by the way?

If she really does tire of the relationship, I would ask you to try and confirm your feelings. Not full out ask her out and ask her to leave, just tell her how you feel. She may not feel as strongly, making any further planning a waste. If she does, however, want to throw caution to the wind and date you, she could claim that it was the distance that was the problem, rather than you.

However, that's all that comes to mind. This really is a sticky situation. One last thing... Is the title really important to you? Could you be happy continuing on as normal, playfully flirting and being close friends with a vague romantic influence? Boyfriend or dating is just a title, it doesn't change the relationship itself. Just something to think about.


It has kept me from associating with people too much on the site, in the past. I'm glad there are others that have enough life experience to have such conversations.

As far as feeling confirmation goes, I can quite easily say that it will be quite difficult for me to confess to her. It is quite easy to just stroll to the counter and chat it up with a chick at a bar, but given our past and my own doubts, I'd have trouble telling her how much I value our time. It isn't so much the fear of rejection, but the fear of changing things for the worse. Rejection is A-OK. Loss of this is not.

Titles, yet another thing i cannot really agree with one hundred percent. The title paves the path for many things. Be it via social norms associated with the title or our own internal thoughts pertaining to it, the title in and of itself leads you down the road. One cannot keep from having a title, and a title can keep you from continuing on in situations such as these. Continue down this path without the title, and she's a "whore", I am a "home wrecker". With the title I am the "new, better boyfriend" and she is a "girl that knows what she does and does not want". Social stigma in the workplace would be a huge problem as well, given how closely knit the crew can be.

As for long distance, across the US. We are in Alabama, he is in Ohio. He goes to Uni there. He has extended relatives up there, and his core family down here. He visits for 3-4 months out of the year, and is gone for the remainder.

It is easy to bullshit up some reason. Claim I didn't do X well enough, that I do not fit the position, that I do not work fast enough. You needn't need proof, only the want to fire me.

Thank god, A thread I care about O-O

While I can't say I have the most experience in the world of relationships, I would just like to put in my two cents here. First off I agree with @quipna (that's you) as far as titles though but agree with @VivoDepyre to some degree. Before making a large decision, I would make confirmation that she really is tired of it. Four years is a long time... It takes a bit more than preservation to go that long.

However, I do agree with @sushi more. Money is tough (especially in this economy, but relationships are what life is (no no not dating, I mean between people). Therefore, I would go for it (after confirmation) Honestly I would be looking for a job already if I had to work under someone who fires people on whims and personal reasons. You might get fired regardless, your co-workers have caught on to it right? Well what ever the out come, I wish you best of luck. :3

hm are you actually friends with this "mike" guy too, or do you care abotu him? and are they both starting to get bored of it and fight, or is it just the girl getting bored of him? if they are both unsatisfied with each other, he might not feel berayed a smuch when you take her after they break up, esoecially if he, too, would immeditely find someone new. i would say, wait utnil they break up (if they really fight TAHT much), but dont officially make out with her until he, too, foudn someone new. he might just dont care that much if you wait an appropiate amount of time and, e too, has a new lover. get what i mean?

I personally always choose money over relationships. Why? Because if you're the guy you're expected to foot the bill....for everything.

What I don't understand is the fact that she's in a relationship (a long-term one at that) yet she apparently wants you as well-- don't you think she would do the same thing to you if you went down that road together and she also got bored of you?

If anything, I'd keep my job and let their relationship pan out on its own. Let them resolve their issues or dissolve their relationship without interference from your end.

If after awhile they break up and things are looking up for you two, then by all means go for it. If not, you still have a job and the rest of your life to look forward to.

But seriously though. If he fires you for nothing I'd take him to court. Couldn't you're co worker buddies vouche for you? Wouldn't he have to provide some sort of record or report giving probable cause to fire you?

Oh Gosh >.> things are getting crazy like a K-dorama.....

You're treading in deep waters sir. For one, you're living by paycheck as I can see yes? Two, in this economy nothing is going to pick up anytime soon. Also, consider the amount of time and energy you'll be putting in for this girl. Do you have the time or abilities to fight with Mr. I-PLAY-THE-ROLE-OF-HOT-RICH-KOREAN? Right now your position is Mr. Super-cute-guy-who-lives-honest-yet-hard-life. Haters gonna' hate...who cares if you're a homewrecker and please..."whore"? c'mon double standards here. If you can make "dream come true with no one dying for a car accident" happen somehow then go for it.

Happiness is important and doesn't come knocking often in today's world..job opportunities as well.


Good luck.

Can I make a general "I can't get laid" thread?


@Hutch Hutchenson OH GOD YES.

@Hutch_Hutchenson @Sushi It's equivalent to firing someone who you pay to mow your lawn, because you don't like them. Mark is a part of the royal court, and @quipna is a servant. There are no laws against this, and is also a reason why unions are formed.

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